F is for Forgiveness

If I do two things well in this lifetime, I want them to be love and forgiveness.

I've been hesitant to blog completely openly about my faith, as to not offend anyone. But I cannot even broach this subject without my faith taking center stage.

Stasi Eldredge writes about this topic in her book, Captivating:

“Bitterness and unforgiveness set their hooks deep in our hearts; they are chains that hold us captive to the wounds and the messages of these wounds. Until you forgive, you remain their prisoner.”

It is very easy to let resentment fester, thoughts of how wrong the people who hurt us were. We know we should forgive. But, first we have to want to forgive. Then we have to actually let go of our hurt and resentment.

Is forgiveness simply a conscious decision? I wish. I’ve tried that many, many times, only to be utterly disappointed in myself for not having the will power to make the forgiveness of an offense a reality. That has been a frustration my whole life.

I have come to realize that forgiveness has much less to do with the intent, for what is obviously the right thing to do, then I ever knew. It has much less to do with the person who offended me, than me. And it is very much related to my spiritual and emotional health.

Forgiveness seems to have much to do with me being okay with me. In my successful experiences with forgiveness, I've found I need a healthy relationship with my creator. Forgiveness is me freeing everyone else from the responsibility of making sure that I am okay, because that need is being met somewhere else.

I am okay. When I am secure in who God created me to be; when I am secure with all my own blemishes and faults; when I am reconciled with my creator and longing to be fulfilled in Him and Him only, I am free to forgive. Forgiveness comes not only with conscious effort; but forgiveness comes with security in and dependence on God.

That might sound wacky, but for me it is a very real truth. That might sound simple, but it is a long road. One I am still on. I had journeyed through over 30 years of living and trying to find my way, and calling on God for direction. Then finally... a huge challenge. In the face of thinking I could never forgive the most devastating offensive in my life, I gave not the offense or the offenders to God’s control, but me. I gave me. I gave my heartache, my pain, my resentment… to God. I made room for His patience, grace, and mercy to fill me.

And, guess what followed… a miraculous ability to forgive. Aha… forgiveness was never to be by my own volition. Forgiveness became a reality through God’s strength, power and love.

I'm sure I have much more forgiving to do in my days on earth. But if I can forgive, no offender will ever have a grip on me, my heart can be light and peaceful and free to love endlessly.

Stasi Eldredge, in “Captivating” also wrote,

“We acknowledge that it hurt, that it mattered, and we choose to extend forgiveness to our fathers, our mothers, those who hurt us. This is not saying, “I didn’t really matter”; it is not saying, “I probably deserved part of it anyway.” Forgiveness says, “It was wrong. Very wrong. It mattered, hurt me deeply. And I release you. I give you to God.”