Thursday, I was smacked upside the head with God's sovereignty.
Almost ten years ago, my sister died of leukemia. I was very angry and I did not even want to think that God could use this for his purposes, for his glory. I was too disturbed that something so painful could happen in my life and he could use it for good.
I've gone through a lot in the last nine and a half years. And, recently, I'd finally become ready for him to use that portion of my life for his plans. I was ready to permit him to do this. How audacious and naive is that? Low an behold, God didn't need me.
I started to attend a Bible study a few weeks ago out of obedience to God's prompting. I didn't not expect anyone to know me or anything about my sister. The third study in, I found out that there were several women in my study that were affected by Sherri's illness and ultimately her death. One of them, in an extremely personal way. My sister's husband helped her through a difficult time when she had to endure the death of someone very close. Her intro into sharing this with me was startling, like mystery being revealed, like God gave her the words that would capture and mystify me with his glory. She said, "I have to say this. Before our first Bible study, I knew you." The realization that we were linked intimately through my sister before we ever met exposed a fragment of God's perfect, intricate ways.
So, here I was thinking that I was finally ready for God to use this tragedy for his purposes. (How gracious of me.) But he was SOVEREIGN. He did not need me. I was smacked upside the head with his sovereignty. It's as if he said, "It's great that you're going to let me use you now." (And I am going to let him use me.) "But I was going to use it anyway, whether you cooperated or not." You see, he is sovereign and he will work all things together for his good, regardless of me or anyone else. And I am so thankful for that. Thank God that it is not up to me being ready. God is greater than that.
