Thursday, I was smacked upside the head with God's sovereignty.
Almost ten years ago, my sister died of leukemia. I was very angry and I did not even want to think that God could use this for his purposes, for his glory. I was too disturbed that something so painful could happen in my life and he could use it for good.
I've gone through a lot in the last nine and a half years. And, recently, I'd finally become ready for him to use that portion of my life for his plans. I was ready to permit him to do this. How audacious and naive is that? Low an behold, God didn't need me.
I started to attend a Bible study a few weeks ago out of obedience to God's prompting. I didn't not expect anyone to know me or anything about my sister. The third study in, I found out that there were several women in my study that were affected by Sherri's illness and ultimately her death. One of them, in an extremely personal way. My sister's husband helped her through a difficult time when she had to endure the death of someone very close. Her intro into sharing this with me was startling, like mystery being revealed, like God gave her the words that would capture and mystify me with his glory. She said, "I have to say this. Before our first Bible study, I knew you." The realization that we were linked intimately through my sister before we ever met exposed a fragment of God's perfect, intricate ways.
So, here I was thinking that I was finally ready for God to use this tragedy for his purposes. (How gracious of me.) But he was SOVEREIGN. He did not need me. I was smacked upside the head with his sovereignty. It's as if he said, "It's great that you're going to let me use you now." (And I am going to let him use me.) "But I was going to use it anyway, whether you cooperated or not." You see, he is sovereign and he will work all things together for his good, regardless of me or anyone else. And I am so thankful for that. Thank God that it is not up to me being ready. God is greater than that.
Showing posts with label death. Show all posts
Showing posts with label death. Show all posts
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Friday, November 12, 2010
The Best Mom in the Whole World
Happy Birthday Mom!
My kids tell me I’m the best mom in the whole world. I believe that they really think it is true, but I know the truth... My mom is the best mom in the whole world.
Starting from my earliest memory, my mom’s unconditional love has shone constant, like the sun on the brightest of days. She never backed down from discipline and always expected me to live up to the potential God instilled in me. She has modeled eternal priorities and has never been bashful about her true passion in life… Jesus.
We’ve endured things together. They’ve all been markedly harder for her than me, and I’ve watched her handle, with God’s strength and grace; betrayal & divorce, the early and unexpected death of her beloved father, court battles with my dad, financial hardship, job instability, the death of her first born daughter, the divorces of two other daughters… Yet she has never lost grasp of God’s joy in her.
She is my hero. Yes, she is a real person with many flaws and quirks, but she, aside from God, is most responsible for every good thing in me. My mom is the best mom in the whole world.
Happy Birthday Mom!
I love you with all my heart.
Dedo
My kids tell me I’m the best mom in the whole world. I believe that they really think it is true, but I know the truth... My mom is the best mom in the whole world.
Starting from my earliest memory, my mom’s unconditional love has shone constant, like the sun on the brightest of days. She never backed down from discipline and always expected me to live up to the potential God instilled in me. She has modeled eternal priorities and has never been bashful about her true passion in life… Jesus.
We’ve endured things together. They’ve all been markedly harder for her than me, and I’ve watched her handle, with God’s strength and grace; betrayal & divorce, the early and unexpected death of her beloved father, court battles with my dad, financial hardship, job instability, the death of her first born daughter, the divorces of two other daughters… Yet she has never lost grasp of God’s joy in her.
She is my hero. Yes, she is a real person with many flaws and quirks, but she, aside from God, is most responsible for every good thing in me. My mom is the best mom in the whole world.
Happy Birthday Mom!
I love you with all my heart.
Dedo
Friday, September 17, 2010
The 8 Question Query (from my baby sis)
My sister recently responded to an 8 question blog request from a friend. She extended the challenge to me, so here goes:
1. What are your top 2 cities in the world? (It's okay if you've never been there!)
I've been to both cities. Well, mostly London, which I LOVED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My Moscow experience was the airport, a cab ride on the freeway past IKEA to McDonald's, and back to the airport. Does that count? I want to really see Moscow though. I am fascinated by Russia and it's history. Such an interesting, artistic culture mixed with success, oppression, pain and brilliance.
2. Are you doing what you love or doing what you have to?
Yes and no. I love being a mom and I love my job. One of my biggest passions lies in worship ministry, which I am not doing. I have to trust God's timing on that one. I miss it.
3. Coffee or tea?
Yes! See T is for Tea.
4. Describe the moment in your life when you felt the most loved.
This question is a little too deep for my generally light-hearted blog. My God makes me feel the most loved, usually through rough times and intimate moments. My mom, hubby, sister and children make me feel most loved too.
5. Who do you think had the single biggest impact on your life so far?
The death of my sister.
6. What song lyrics say exactly what you're feeling right now?
"I hate that stupid old pick-up truck..."
7. Pro sports or college ball?
Dude. Pro all the way. Go Packers!
8. What book do you really, really want to see made into a movie?
Hmmm..... Hmmmm..... I never really get to the good books until they've already been made into a movie. I'd love to see The Shack as movie, but it would be impossible to capture. It would dumb it down to our visual limitations. Not acceptable. I guess I'll wait until Heaven...
1. What are your top 2 cities in the world? (It's okay if you've never been there!)
 |
| London |
 |
| Moscow |
2. Are you doing what you love or doing what you have to?
Yes and no. I love being a mom and I love my job. One of my biggest passions lies in worship ministry, which I am not doing. I have to trust God's timing on that one. I miss it.
3. Coffee or tea?
Yes! See T is for Tea.
4. Describe the moment in your life when you felt the most loved.
This question is a little too deep for my generally light-hearted blog. My God makes me feel the most loved, usually through rough times and intimate moments. My mom, hubby, sister and children make me feel most loved too.
5. Who do you think had the single biggest impact on your life so far?
The death of my sister.
6. What song lyrics say exactly what you're feeling right now?
"I hate that stupid old pick-up truck..."
7. Pro sports or college ball?
Dude. Pro all the way. Go Packers!
8. What book do you really, really want to see made into a movie?
Hmmm..... Hmmmm..... I never really get to the good books until they've already been made into a movie. I'd love to see The Shack as movie, but it would be impossible to capture. It would dumb it down to our visual limitations. Not acceptable. I guess I'll wait until Heaven...
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Hair Cuts
First of all... Party Foul! I haven't blogged for a month. I am sorry!
So... hair cuts. I've given many hair cuts in the last ten years. All but 3 have been given to my boys, though my oldest won't let me cut his hair anymore. Autonomy, I suppose. One was a trim of my mom's curly locks. Not much room for error there.
Another was a little over eight years ago when I cut my sister's hair, or what was left of it. After several intense rounds of chemo, all she had left was a few straggles for a meager ponytail which she let stick out the back of her baseball caps. Half-way during the hair cut, she needed to take a break to lay, curled up, on the kitchen floor to manage through her severe stomach pains (related to the damage to her internal organs from the constant drugs and treatment).
What was wonderful about this... I can't, still can't, believe even now that I can use the word wonderful for this. What was wonderful about this was that I knew it would be a precious memory that I would never, ever forget.
I eventually finished cutting her hair and she replaced her tan baseball cap with no more ponytail spilling out of the back. Her always gorgeous, long brown hair was gone forever. She died two months later.
I've remember that day many, many times; but never as vividly as today. Today I cut my mother-in-law's hair. She's too afraid to go out in public these days, so no more beauty shop visits. Her Alzheimer's has taken center stage. She is suspicious and confused. She won't leave her house, but wanted a hair cut.
While I cut her hair, she wasn't anxious or confused or afraid. She was relaxed, and played with her 17 month old grand-daughter. I pondered her future, soon to be in assisted living, gradually losing her grasp on the awareness of her own life. The matriarch of my family is dying; at least as we know her.
My mother-in-law's haircut was a much different circumstance than my sister's, yet my heart bound them tightly together. There is something very organic and real when you cut the hair of a suffering person, one whom you love deeply.
So... hair cuts. I've given many hair cuts in the last ten years. All but 3 have been given to my boys, though my oldest won't let me cut his hair anymore. Autonomy, I suppose. One was a trim of my mom's curly locks. Not much room for error there.
Another was a little over eight years ago when I cut my sister's hair, or what was left of it. After several intense rounds of chemo, all she had left was a few straggles for a meager ponytail which she let stick out the back of her baseball caps. Half-way during the hair cut, she needed to take a break to lay, curled up, on the kitchen floor to manage through her severe stomach pains (related to the damage to her internal organs from the constant drugs and treatment).
What was wonderful about this... I can't, still can't, believe even now that I can use the word wonderful for this. What was wonderful about this was that I knew it would be a precious memory that I would never, ever forget.
I eventually finished cutting her hair and she replaced her tan baseball cap with no more ponytail spilling out of the back. Her always gorgeous, long brown hair was gone forever. She died two months later.
I've remember that day many, many times; but never as vividly as today. Today I cut my mother-in-law's hair. She's too afraid to go out in public these days, so no more beauty shop visits. Her Alzheimer's has taken center stage. She is suspicious and confused. She won't leave her house, but wanted a hair cut.
While I cut her hair, she wasn't anxious or confused or afraid. She was relaxed, and played with her 17 month old grand-daughter. I pondered her future, soon to be in assisted living, gradually losing her grasp on the awareness of her own life. The matriarch of my family is dying; at least as we know her.
My mother-in-law's haircut was a much different circumstance than my sister's, yet my heart bound them tightly together. There is something very organic and real when you cut the hair of a suffering person, one whom you love deeply.
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