Listen Up!

I need to be a better listener.  I've been working on this for decades.  When I say listening, I don't mean hearing and understanding the words another is saying; I mean hearing another's perspective: one's heart, one's concerns, one's joys... really hearing and listening.

I was reminded of this while reading Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.  In the words of Dumbledore: "Ah, Harry, how often this happens, even between the best of friends!  Each of us believes that what he has to say is much more important than anything the other might have to contribute."

Lord, help me be a better listener and not believe that what I have to say is more important.

Book Review: Codependent No More

On a recommendation from my mom, I read Codependent No More by Melody Beattie.   I read it in hopes of learning how to communicate with some people in my life better, but on the advice of my stepmom, I decided to look at it from the perspective of my own relational flaws as well.  Thanks to my moms, I discovered some key ingredients to being a happier person.

The book was written primarily for people who are regularly involved with alcoholics, drug addicts or people with other severe addictions.  I am not one of those people.  It would seem obvious that I was enlightened about people in my life who have lived through that, and that was defiantly true.  What I did not expect is that I would learn tons about myself.  I would like to submit that this book has something for everyone who has relationships with people.  Unless you are a hermit, deserted on an island or in solitary confinement, this book has something for you.

I learned how to not take things so personally.  Other people do things their way... "let them" (as my beloved sister used to say.)  I don't need to control other people or make everything about me.  I can let go.

I can be free to be me!  Sounds easy, but I still haven't mastered this.  I do now, however, have a new grasp on letting myself fail and being more confident in my own decisions and more comfortable with myself, my strengths and weaknesses.  I am who I am.  I am always going to try to improve my character and live to higher standards than I did previously, but I'm not at the end of my journey yet.  I am still growing and learning.  I am going to cut myself some slack.  I will be okay with where I am at.  I am okay with me.

I can make boundaries and stick to them.  I don't have to be everything to everybody.  It is okay to have boundaries to preserve myself and take care of myself.  I still will care about other people and their needs, but it is okay to take care of myself first so I can be the healthiest person I can be.  That can be a priority, and it should.

I can feel my feelings.  They are my feelings, they are not wrong, they are real.  But I will deal with in an appropriate manner and move on.  I will not let my feelings control my actions.  There is tons more about all of these and other ideas in the book.

All this stuff may sound simple and like no-brainer information, but I think many of us don't execute these things regularly.  Beattie explains things in a way that empowered me to make these things a reality.  I'm happier than I have been in a long time and I plan to stay that way.

If you're looking for a book about having healthy relationships of any kind, read Codependent No More by Melody Beattie.

The Best Mom in the Whole World

Happy Birthday Mom!

My kids tell me I’m the best mom in the whole world. I believe that they really think it is true, but I know the truth... My mom is the best mom in the whole world.

Starting from my earliest memory, my mom’s unconditional love has shone constant, like the sun on the brightest of days. She never backed down from discipline and always expected me to live up to the potential God instilled in me. She has modeled eternal priorities and has never been bashful about her true passion in life… Jesus.

We’ve endured things together. They’ve all been markedly harder for her than me, and I’ve watched her handle, with God’s strength and grace; betrayal & divorce, the early and unexpected death of her beloved father, court battles with my dad, financial hardship, job instability, the death of her first born daughter, the divorces of two other daughters… Yet she has never lost grasp of God’s joy in her.

She is my hero. Yes, she is a real person with many flaws and quirks, but she, aside from God, is most responsible for every good thing in me. My mom is the best mom in the whole world.

Happy Birthday Mom!

I love you with all my heart.

Dedo

Q is for Quiver

Happy is the man that has his quiver full of them... Psalm 127:5 AKJV

My quiver is full, I think. We have four children. I really can't imagine my life without them. When I try, I can only see self-indulgence and boredom. What would I do with myself? I've never been good at keeping myself challenged. I like to take the easy route too many times. That's not to say I don't often get inspired to excel, I do; just not enough.

*However, my kids keep me on my toes. My character is challenged. My resilience is tested. My patience is a well exercised muscle.

Soon, I expect to be more and more cognitively challenged as my children progress in school. I already referred to references to "remember" things I once knew to help my 5th grader with homework. Now he will be in middle school. I'm looking forward to remembering algebra and American History, etc.

When I was little, I knew I wanted to grow up and be a mom. I also knew I wanted 3 children, close in age, which happened to be just the type of family I grew up in; until I was a teen, my little sister arrived. Lo and behold, we had 3 boys right in a row, then we added a fourth child after a several year gap.

My quiver is full. My quiver is fun. My children all have goofiness, like me, which I treasure. They are all creative and smart in very different ways. Being a mom is like digging through a never-ending treasure chest. Each day has new, beautiful things to discover. (Lest it all smell like roses, see above. *)

Life is good.

I is for Introspection

I've been doing that a lot lately.

I see that I have numerous faults. It used to be, when I young, that I was oblivious to most of my character faults. Now, I see so many of them. It can be disconcerting at times.

I am trying to recapture some of my youthful confidence, but this time, without the obstinacy. I am striving for a healthy balance between humility and pride. I want to remember that I am just one human among billions, so maybe not that special, yet unique and unlike any other, therefore valuable in this world.

I will be on a journey of character reformation for as long as I life, and I am determined to not lose momentum.