Somewhere Between Bliss and a Nervous Breakdown

It is very likely that I will start a blog where I can deposit all my thoughts about motherhood. It is also very likely I will use the title from this entry to name my blog. It describes my constant state to a tee.
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I've been breastfeeding my baby girl since the moment she was born. I love it, she loves it. It's cheap. It's good for her. It's good for me. It is good.

When she's been sick before, she's decreased her nursing, just like we eat less when we're sick. Okay. No problem there. But this weekend, sick with a nasty cold, she went on a full fledged strike. She didn't even want to look at my breast, let alone touch it with any part of her body.

My hubby and I got her to drink from a cup, so she was not dehydrated. In the middle of the night, she was awake two times for an hour each, and refused to nurse. I usually nurse her 6 times a day, so an immediate reduction to zero times per day led to... a surplus. The store was overstocked and the warehouse was full.

This morning, my sick little baby wanted me to hold her, constantly, while she rubbed her snotty nose all over me and coughed in my face. How was I supposed to do this with two throbbing coconuts between us that I couldn't stand to be touched or looked at? (Did I mention the broken breastpump in the cabinet?)

I was desperate, searching the web for answers. Everything I found said she wouldn't eat because she had a sore throat or a tummy ache. Can I just say... "Duh!" Engorged breasts, boys late for school, dirty dishes surrounding us, missing mittens, phone ringing, snot, tears... I was on the verge of a breakdown.

Then, the wisdom I needed from my 8-yr-old son... "Did you give her some medicine?" Yes, yes... medicine. I can do that. Okay, it's a start. Next, get the boys out the door to school. I can do that. (All the while my baby cries.) Put on a favorite video for her and hide out in a different room so she forgets about wanting me to hold her. Let the medicine start to work. Done.

What else can help? Think Dody, think... Moisture. A shower! I went to get the baby, stripped us down and into the warm steamy shower we went.

My baby has gorgeous, long eyelashes that she inherited from her father. They are even more stunning when wet. Also, when warm, her perfect little lips get flush with red. She loves the water, so all fussing stopped. Her coughing subsided. She looked at me with her big blue eyes, filled with gratitude and love. I held her close and washed her hair. She began to smile... Bliss...

Afterward, her in her towel, I tucked her in my robe and she nursed. A relief for us both. Quiet, for now.