My Version of Lent

I am not a religious person. I am most definitely driven by faith, but not ritual. My parents were both raised Catholic, but I was not. My faith has been experienced in non-denominational church families, thus, I am not accustomed to practicing lent.

I planned to prepare for this Easter, by watching a movie of the Gospel of John with hubby and boys. We still will. But, I have been a little distracted by life lately and not keyed into any real preparation.

However, just recently, I stumbled into my version of lent through necessity. I had been letting life steal little bits of me here and there while I turned to TV, food and my son's hand-held solitare game (and other such things) for reprieve. Recently, it seems, I have been blind to the damage my vices were slowly causing.

I was getting achy muscles. I couldn't fall asleep at night and couldn't wake up in the morning. I was exhausted all the time, as if a flu virus was looming. Alas, no flu ever came. My body was calling out to me to pay attention.

Finally, I was becoming constantly irritable and my S.O.D. (Sensory Overload Disorder) was in full gear. I've been hear before! Why did I let this creep up again? Where is my focus?

So yesterday, before I reached a break point, I started my own personal lent. (Though it is less about Easter and more about my life focus.) I had taken my eyes off of God. I had let my soul wander to empty distractions and let it spiral out of control. No more! Even if only for a day or two, I'm taking a break from TV. I've nixed coffee and sweets. I've denied myself mindless web-browsing and solitaire games. Each time I want to escape, as I had been, I turn right to God. Some Bible verses here and there, but mostly, in each moment I want to reach for a vice, I talk to God.

This has to do with self-denial only in the manner that it is what drives me to turn to God, giving me more and more cherished moments with him to address worry and hurt and fear, or just a moment to love him, acknowledge him.

The winter doldrums are over and it's time to get healthy again. I'm not just referring to physical health. I am talking about my mind, heart and soul. In all my life, I've never been able to achieve that alone; but when my God is at the center, it is oh, so real.