I can hear my washing machine rumbling in the basement. I am ignoring it. It must be unbalanced, but that's okay, isn't it? I guess I relate. I don't want anyone rushing in to fix me, so I won't rush in to fix it. I'll give it some space. That's what I've been doing. Taking my space.
I really needed some space for awhile. I had defined my life just the way I wanted it. Wife. Mother. Worship Director. Gardener. But all of that was shaken, and it's probably just as well. It's possible I was letting my labels define me instead of my labels describing me.
I've felt compassion for my sister lately who is living betwixt and between. I think sometimes when we are betwixt and between, we don't always know just what we are betwixt and between. I don't.
If we're not careful, ambiguity in life can whittle away at our convictions and passions. I did take a much needed break with introspection. I've gained wisdom and patience and compassion for the broken (which is all of us, really). But now it's time. It is time to stretch and arise. Time to awaken my rested soul. (I will do this slowly because I might black-out if I get a head-rush. I have low blood pressure.)
I am taking the next step. It is time to emerge. I'm 38. I am entering adulthood with new clarity and calmness. But, I'll may be posting her in 3 years starting over again. Who knows? There is always so much to learn, so many ways to grow. I'm just not sure I want to be betwixt and between again. I want to live, be proactive, not hide and be proud of who God made me to be (even if some others aren't. )
I need more balance. I've been rumbling in the basement, and my loved ones have let me. I needed my space. I needed some time. More balance, more living... It's time to come upstairs and re-balance.
(I hope I don't back down.)
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