A Mom Story...

My oldest son isn't with me today.  He spent last night at my parents, a delayed birthday tradition. There was a snowstorm during the first attempt.  This date was the make-up date and Eddie was not about to let anything stop him this time; not even a broken arm.  We talked about rescheduling, but he was resolute.

Only 24 hours after breaking his arm, he departed for Grandma and Grandpa's (a.k.a. Baba).  Eddie is a very sensitive kid; as in he is very aware of his needs and emotions.  So, he knew he needed to be cared for and loved right now, while the pain was still at it's worst.  Plus he is grieving the loss of his passion for the next 2 months, Taekwondo. 

I have to say, I am really struggling with the fact that it is not me providing that for him.  I feel bound, I feel restricted.  This is uncomfortable.  I should be caring for my baby.  I know he is in amazing hands.  My parents are truly wonderful.  Still, I have this deep, uncontrollable need to care for my hurting child.

It's strange, the timing.  This isn't the first time he ended up at Grandma and Baba's at a pinnacle point in his life.  Four years ago, he witnessed another Grandfather (his namesake) pass away.  It was the night before Eddie's birthday, the night before he was going to spend the night at Grandma and Baba's.  That time we also discussed cancelling, and it was hard to let him go, but that was where he was meant to be.

There are some very clear moments in my children's lives where I feel God is at work.  It seems obvious that some events were planned and happened just as they should.  For Eddie, these moments when he ends up at Grandma and Baba's seem fall into that category for sure.  I'm sure he will never forget the nights he spent there when he needed love, support and reassurance the most.

I think I'll feel unsettled until he returns to my care, but he is where he is supposed to be and I am thankful.

The Dirty Sock Blog

Let's talk about socks. Dirty Socks.  They are all over my home!
(Disclaimer:  No photos in this blog are staged.  No socks have been tampered with, augmented, situated or otherwise manipulated.  All photos are candid, as is, discoveries.)

When the kids were little, expected things were left around the house, for sure.  Sippy cups, stuffed animals, blankets, toys.  I anticipated that with having little kids.  Now my little kids are bigger kids.  They are developing autonomy and focused thinking.  For example, one will be so focused on relieving his raised body temperature that he doesn't even pay attention to where he is discarding the dirty socks that he is removing!  Seriously.

                          

Exhibit A - The Kitchen Table

        Exhibit B - On Top of the Dresser

Exhibit C - On The Toys

Exhibit D - Next to the Shower

Exhibit E - In the Living Room

Exhibit F - Next to the Wii Fit Board

And last but not least, my all time favorite, an American classic...

Exhibit G - On the Floor.  
Right in Front of the Hamper.

My boys are 12, almost 10 and almost 8. I have a feeling that this will be a part of my life for many years to come...    Lord help me.

I Don't Belong Here

I've been reading the Harry Potter series.  My son started reading it a year ago and I told him I'd follow along and read it after him.  I haven't been doing that great considering I'm still in Year 3 and he is deep into Year 5.

Anyway, the fact that we are both reading it lets up speak in "Harry Potter" language.  We make up our own spell names and recall funny parts of the book.  It's a way I can connect with him in a world in which he feels like he belongs.

Today when I dropped him off at school, I said, "Here we are... Hogwarts."  Then as I looked around, I corrected myself.  "Oh.  This isn't Hogwarts.  These are all muggles.  This is a muggle school.  Oh no.  You don't belong here."  He immediately retorted, "Nope. I don't."  We smiled and off he went.

It struck me. That feeling.  Ah.  School. Not belonging.  I remember that.  I was just another insignificant person floating through the halls full of clicks and people who were all different from me and didn't get me.  And as I remembered that feeling, I realized that is how my son feels now.  School is a foreign land to him that he must partake in, but his real place, the place he belongs is somewhere else.

Do all kids feel like that in the large public schools or was it just me and him?  How about as adults?  I still feel like that a lot of the time.

There is a verse in the Bible that says our citizenship is in heaven (Phil. 3:20-21).  Maybe this is where we will finally feel like we belong. Until then, we are special, not fully realized people in a restrictive muggle world.

C'est la vie.

School Supply Stress

School supply organization, recycling (as in using last year's supplies which are still usable) and shopping is getting more and more stressful each year.  I have three boys in school and the oldest is now in middle school.  For him we had 2 full backpacks, a crate and a bag's worth of supplies to cart in on the first day.  Also, everything needed to be labeled.  Insanity!!!

I actually made a spread sheet for shopping and detailed list for each child.  I purchased items at 3 different stores and returned the ones I found to be more expensive to Shopko. (Wal-Mart is the overall cheapest, but the grocery store is where I made out on the loss-leader sales.)

I spent around $80 this year on everything, including a 2GB flash drive and a TI calculator. That is actually pretty good.  I accredit this to my recycling, ad watching and all-around awesomeness.  In moments like that, my kids sometimes ask, "Do you feel like Supermom right now?"  Had they asked me, I would have firmly and resoundingly said, "Yes!"

Despite that feat, all the inventorying, labeling, sharpening, sorting, appropriating, distributing, packing, delivering, re-organizing and discovering what was missing was just a tad anxiety inducing for me.  So glad it's over.  Until next year...

W is for Wii

The Wii has become a staple in our family.

The kids' grandmother stood in line, outside a Best Buy store, in the winter cold, at the break of dawn to acquire it for them one Christmas. (If she only knew how much we'd come to love it and rely on it.) The games started simply with Paper Mario and Wii Sports. The former for the kids, the latter, perfect for the whole family.

My husband and I used to bowl with the kids once in awhile. That was always fun. We later found ourselves sneaking in some rounds of bowling while the kids were at school.

Wii began to acquire many games over time as my husband and I scooped up used copies from Blockbuster for cheap.

When I was pregnant, I admit, I let the Wii system become the boys' babysitter. I had all-day sickness for three months and I was much more concerned about my survival than their eyes, brains, or future.

Once the baby came, I again allowed it to become their babysitter. "Shame on me!" I say with no conviction.

Anyway, the Wii has remained a vital part of our family. It even came on vacation with us to our little cabin, though I am glad to say the kids did not ask us to hook it up until 4 days into the vacation. Way to go boys! Then we all bowled and the kids went on to play the latest Super Mario game, which we hid in our suitcase to surprise them with.

Sometimes we're strict with time limits and days off, especially during school. But, honestly, this summer was kind of a free-for-all.

I have to say my favorite part of the Wii is hearing my 9-yr-old playing Lego Rock Band, belting out the likes of "We Will Rock You" or "Picture to Burn" from the loft upstairs. That is pure joy!

S is for...

Saxophone. My oldest son is entering middle school this year. Music is required for the students (YES!), so he needed to decide where his interests lie. He tried cello and viola and trumpet, sax and clarinet and decided unequivocally that the saxophone was his instrument. He really is very much like his Dad, so I was not surprised, considering that was his instrument of choice as well.

In fact, our son will be playing that very same sax. It was in our basement for around twenty "ahem" years, so it smelled like mildew and mold and ick. The music shop is pretty much taking it apart and scouring it with Comet, so the instrument in this picture is our "Sub" sax, as my son has affectionately named him.

S is for Shaylee. My baby!!!!!! Wanna see how gorgeous this baby is?

S is for Sherri. I miss you sis! Eight-plus years without her. It still hasn't sunk in.

S is for Simple. Come on people! Let's not complicate things. Keep it simple. I'm a simple girl.

S is for Sunflower. I've seen some tall and beautiful ones in my days. This one was in my back yard several years back. It was supposed to be 4-6 feet tall. Hmmph. Sassy sunflower.

S is for Spaghetti, which is on the stove, so I better go.

S is the first letter in my last name and a simply, sumptuous sounding letter... sssssssssssssss... S.

Q is for Quiver

Happy is the man that has his quiver full of them... Psalm 127:5 AKJV

My quiver is full, I think. We have four children. I really can't imagine my life without them. When I try, I can only see self-indulgence and boredom. What would I do with myself? I've never been good at keeping myself challenged. I like to take the easy route too many times. That's not to say I don't often get inspired to excel, I do; just not enough.

*However, my kids keep me on my toes. My character is challenged. My resilience is tested. My patience is a well exercised muscle.

Soon, I expect to be more and more cognitively challenged as my children progress in school. I already referred to references to "remember" things I once knew to help my 5th grader with homework. Now he will be in middle school. I'm looking forward to remembering algebra and American History, etc.

When I was little, I knew I wanted to grow up and be a mom. I also knew I wanted 3 children, close in age, which happened to be just the type of family I grew up in; until I was a teen, my little sister arrived. Lo and behold, we had 3 boys right in a row, then we added a fourth child after a several year gap.

My quiver is full. My quiver is fun. My children all have goofiness, like me, which I treasure. They are all creative and smart in very different ways. Being a mom is like digging through a never-ending treasure chest. Each day has new, beautiful things to discover. (Lest it all smell like roses, see above. *)

Life is good.

B is for Boys

B is for Boys. I have three magnificent boys. My own personal version of "My Three Sons" (a show I watched religiously with my sisters as a little girl).
My boys are 11, 9 and 7. I adore them and they know it. And the best part is they adore me too. They come to me for snuggles and hugs. They tell me jokes and show me their inventions and creations. They know I am proud of them and always love them. I make it a point, especially during the difficult times for them like punishments and such, to say, "I always love you."

I have a goal for them, one common goal. I want them to grow up feeling valued, secure, loved and important just as they are so they can make their wives and children feel the same way. We all deserve that.

For now they are boys, but I plan for them to grow up to be magnificent men.

Mommy Moments

Yesterday my almost 9-yr-old- son used his class-earned funny money, during the 3rd grade end-of-semester auction, to buy me this beautiful reminder of his love for me. He knows I drink coffee or tea every day and now when I do, I will be elated by his expression of love and appreciation. These are the moments mothers live for.

Today my baby girl made a game of picking up Cherrios from the kitchen floor (Which she expelled from her highchair at breakfast this morning. Yes! It's an hour later and I haven't swept them up yet.) and depositing them in the VCR. This is so much cuter than when my boys did it because now-a-days the VCR is useless anyway. (It is still sitting in the living room even though we only watch DVDs.) So, all that considered, it was really entertaining, even when she got her hand stuck in the VCR and did her pathetic, dramatic, fake cry. Adorable!

Last night, my 7-yr-old son exclaimed, "Oh, man!" and pouted with conviction when his favorite contestant, Didi Benami, was voted off of American Idol. He was trying to understand me as I explained she might still make an album. All of my kids were asking, "What is an album?" Oh. Right. "A CD, I mean." They started nodding and I heard a chorus of 'Ohs.' (Gee, I'm old.) He wanted to know if she was going to make an album, I mean CD, for sure and how quickly he could get it. So sweet.

I live for this stuff. It is bizarre how these moments can be so satisfying and fulfilling, but there is no denying their power over me.

Above All Else... Love

At home, my boys have wonderful moments when they are well behaved and other moments, when... not so much. We work hard to establish expectations of respect and integrity. Sometimes I think I'm thinking too much about some of the not-so-good moments as failures instead of learning moments in the big picture. I do treat the moments as teachable opportunities, but sometimes fail to see things from a broader perspective.

Yesterday, my husband and I took the kids out to a brunch at a nice restaurant with my Dad and his girlfriend. I think I was taking their good behavior for granted until Dad's girlfriend pointed out how delightful our boys are. I suppose there are kids who would be loud, disrespectful, obscene, irritating... But, our boys were polite, funny, calm and charming.

In response to Dad's girlfriend, I shared how my mom always tells me that I will make a lot of mistakes as a parent, but I will be a successful parent if my kids feel loved. That's the most important thing. Dad's girlfriend went on to say that they seem confident and secure and they are all quite individual.

(I later got a text message from my sister that my Dad was bragging about their behavior as well.)

What we're doing is working, and I don't want to forget it. Our love and consistency is affecting they're behavior, confidence and respect for others. I am so proud. I feel like my children will be happy and successful in life if they never forget they are loved, they are special, no matter what.

Boys... "I always love you., no matter what."

Buy That Baby Some Shoes

I’ve wanted to start a blog for months now. The recent moments in my life that have spurred me on to finally do it are; reading my little sister’s clever blog, the need for a creative outlet, and the unsolicited parenting feedback from strangers at large.

Perhaps my future entries will be more important, perhaps not, but today I am thinking about how my baby is too hot, and too cold, she’s tired, I need to buy her some shoes, and where the heck is her hat?

These are all things I apparently wasn’t too concerned about, but loose-tongued strangers were all too willing to be concerned for me. Now that I think about it, I don’t think any of these people were moms. And if they were, it was a long time ago. Maybe they wish they had a baby to take care of and so they fill their need by caring for strange babies. Maybe they never had kids of their own and they resent all the unworthy, clueless parents in the world. Maybe it’s innate? Does everyone have the urge to do this?

I really can’t figure out what the origins of the unsolicited, impulsive comments spewing at me are. If someone else knows, please enlighten me. In the mean time, expect to hear me saying things like; “She has lots of shoes. I chose to NOT put them on.” “Actually, she recently awoke from the most magnificent nap ever, filled with dreams of fairies and princesses, I suppose.” “Hat?! Look at the insane amount of hair my baby has!” Or, when I’m too tired, I’ll just smile and say, “Oh. Thank you.” and imagine myself crossing and rolling my eyes.

And on a good day, I’ll remember that they all mean well, and it’s a good thing that human beings do care about each others' well being. (Anyway, most people just tell me how beautiful she is.) Then I’ll remind myself that I am a good mom, regardless of what anyone says. "We’re doing just fine, thank you."