R is for Road Trip

I love road trips. Especially when it's me and my honey.

We've driven from Oregon to Wisconsin, from Wisconsin to Oregon; Milwaukee to St. Paul, St. Paul to Milwaukee; Milwaukee to Atlanta, Louisville, Springfield, and Denver; Las Vegas to L.A. and Las Vegas to Bend, OR and back.

I got to drive from Vermont back to Wisconsin, alone. With the kids, we drove round-trip to North Carolina, and with my sister, brother-in-law, mom and step-dad, my hubby and I drove to see my sister in Prince Albert Saskatchewan and back (That was some adventure!).

Road trips are awesome! My husband is the main driver and I am the navigator and educator. I love watching the map and pointing in various directions, informing others about what is near. I consult my travel books to add trivia facts about all the surrounding features that are nearby, yet unseen. And of what is seen, I investigate until I am certain of what it is, then share said trivia facts.

Of course we stop plenty of places to explore, but it's just as fun to return to the car and hit the open road. It's one of the beauties of living in America. This vast, beautiful land is at our fingertips, so long as we have a car and some gas money.

L is for Love

Love, it seems, is much more about choices and commitment than about feelings.

Do I love my baby more when I kiss her or when I hold her for an hour in the middle of the night because she is ill?

Do I love my children more by saying "I love you" or by abandoning my needs to tend to theirs?

Do I love my husband more by by sitting next to him snuggling or by standing by him, day after day, during the most stressful days of his life.

Love is less about my feelings and what I get out of it and more about desiring to uplift, uphold and fulfill the person I love. In doing so, I will reap rewards for sure, but the doing never stems from desiring that outcome. I love, never expecting to receive, still, love always finds it's way back.

K is for Kangaroo

Kangaroo Lake, that is.

That is the destination for a much needed vacation. It couldn't have come at a better time. My hubby and I have been so busy we hardly see each other and the kids have noticed we're never together too. We will have one whole week of us all being in the same place at the same time. Lately, one hour of that is a treat, now we'll have over 170 hours of our nuclear family in the same place.

It's beginning to seem like the holy grail! I know we'll all get on each others nerves at some point, but this vacation truly seems like it will provide us all with tank refills. Each family member may have varying needs (emptied tanks), but I predict we will be filling them all with joy, laughter, rest, love, snuggles, fun, recognition, affirmation, attention, calmness....

Kangaroo Lake, her we come. You are our Pu'uhonau.

Calgon (or in my case - work), Take Me Away

I've been a mom for over 11 years. It is a 24/7 job. Even when I sleep, I am on call. My cell phone is always with me in case there is an emergency at school. My schedule usually revolves around the kids. Most of the things I do when I am at home have to do with them: cleaning, cooking, laundry, organization, communication. It really never stops and it is always revolving. I am ALWAYS a mom, on duty.

I've worked at our personal business out of the home for the whole duration of my motherhood. I'd like to say that has given me something of my own, but it hasn't. It is my husband's business primarily. Even though it has been our family's sole livelihood for 11 years, it has failed to provide any substantial fulfillment or respite for me. Seriously, I can see and hear everything in our house from our office. That is hardly a break.

And now, for the first time in these 11 years, I have a job out of the home. The job does not relate to my husband and it is not 2 feet away from my mothering duties. It takes me away, almost like a Calgon bath.
I keep myself very busy at my new job. I'd hate to say I am really taking a break, because I work hard and try to make sure I am worthwhile to the non-profit organization that has put its trust in me. Still, it is a world of my own, separate from my children and my family. It really feels like a wonderful break.

It's hard for me to figure out why I was ever hesitant to go back to work. Yes, I miss my baby when I am working during the day, and we've had to reorganize how our family accomplishes chores, but the payoff is worth it. I'm not even referring to the paycheck. I am referring to my new identity and respite from the Mom-job that never sleeps.

While at work, I do keep my cell phone in my pocket, just in case my husband has a question or the children have an issue at school, but it's my turf, and I love it.

Conversations

Queen Latifah was on Good Morning America this morning to talk about her new book. She said her favorite chapter was the one about her mother, a teacher. She went on to share that she has many unrelated brothers and sisters who were students of her mom, because her mom took time to notice these kids and have conversations with them.

Conversations, I will now suggest, are paramount in making a difference in people lives. I imagined these lost students of Queen's mother. Many probably had no one in their lives who cared to hear their thoughts, dreams or ideas. What is more discouraging than having no one in your life that cares to know your heart and soul?

I often have to remind myself to stop multi-tasking and look my boys in the eye to hear their new dreams about writing comic books, running a ranch, joining the Air Force, creating new recipes (like dessert pizzas). If I can't stop to listen to that stuff, why would they ever think I would stop to listen about the kids who's offering them drugs, or the pressure they are getting to have sex, or the deep depression they are facing from rejection.

Conversations reach farther than children too. There are so many adults whose hearts are ignored. Simple conversations that show you are interested in what happens in there lives can go a long, long way in healing a broken spirit.

Here's to really listening to the other broken souls of the world. You have a voice and I will listen.

Daddy's Little Girl

I thought I was destined to have a gaggle of boys. Boys only. My husband and I started our family off with a boy. Then, we had another boy. Then, we had another boy. You already know this if you read my November post, "Finally We Have Our Girl." And just referring to that post, you can deduce what happened to our family. Yup, we had a girl.

Wow, it is different! I see it in my husband. When the boys were little, he liked them to have fun things and decent clothes. He never deprived them. But, they were not spoiled by any means. Generally, when we were at the store with them and they'd ask for something, we would just say no. I was a great bargain hunter for clothes and toys at rummage sales, clearance racks and Goodwill stores. And their dad was just fine with this.

Now that he has his precious baby girl, something has come over him. His wallet is opening. Some second hand items are fine for his baby, but you better believe he is shopping for clothes, toys and things to please her. Ah hem... HE is shopping. And, when I show him something in a magazine for her, he instantly says, "buy it." (He's not quite as flippant as it sounds, but in comparison, it is new and strange.)

His wallet is not the only thing that is opening up, his heart is too. Boys seem to beckon to be tickled, wrestled and roughed-up. When they cry, their dad says, "Toughen up, you're fine." But when a man's little girl cries, he snuggles, coddles and resolves the situation. He's not okay until his princess is okay. Play time with her is gentle and quiet. It's sweet to watch, and the partiality is acceptable. She's Daddy's little girl.

The weird thing is, it is happening to me too. I knew that having a daughter would be different. I knew my husband would be okay with me painting her toenails (unlike those times I painted my son's toenails.) I knew I'd get to buy dresses and have tea parties. But, I didn't expect the warmth, patience and fulfillment I'd feel in my heart.

We adore our boys. They are quite special. But having a girl is more different than I imagined. It seems she will be spoiled in many, many ways; mostly lots of doting and love. Daddy's little girl has also become Mommy's little girl.