M is for Moving

Moving can be fun and exciting, but seriously, I hate all the "stuff" involved in moving. Every time we've moved I've wished we could throw out half of our stuff and not look back. I hate moving stuff.

Today my Mother-In-Law moved. She packed much lighter for a permanent move than I would for a week long trip. One suitcase. Everything she "needs" is in one suitcase. About ten days worth of clothes, shoes, a couple of pictures, her Bible, glasses. That's it. She doesn't even want anymore. Not much stuff.

Of course she needed clothes, but the only other things that were important to her were a few choice pictures of her loved ones.

I know she has Alzheimer's, so that makes this different. Still, she is able to say and is resolute, that those items are all she needs. I think that is really profound.

(Somebody is gonna have to move her household full of stuff though. I just hope it isn't me. I hate moving stuff.)

A is for Alzheimer's

My little sister is doing an alphabet blogging challenge, so I will join her. Here we go...

A is for Alzheimer's

If you've read my blog, you know that is an easy one. My life revolves around my immediate family, our business and my mother-in-law, who has Alzheimer's. What other A is there right now?

Let me just be honest and raw this time. Alzheimer's is a terrible disease. It takes away your loved one slowly, not physically, but in every other way. The person you knew disappears from the inside out. I wish I could be poetic and inspiring about it, but I can't.

Alzheimer's forces you to grieve your loved one long before they physically leave you. She was a strong, independent woman conquered adversity and took on the world alone as a young lady. Knowing she couldn't have children, after marrying the love of her life, she fearlessly adopted a toddler and a 6-month-old boy. She raised her sons right and loved them unconditionally. She thought of me as her own daughter, but usually can't remember how I am related to her anymore.

Alzheimer's stinks. Boooooo! Hopefully B will be a little brighter. I apologize.

Confused and Not Amused

My life has been in overdrive for about two weeks now. I've been surviving and coping because of adrenaline and caffeine. And sometimes, just not coping.

I broke down, sobbing while driving to the medical clinic this last week. My mother-in-law sat next to me and was none-the-wiser, though my baby girl, in the back seat, was trying to mimic my strange sounds. She noticed.

My mother-in-law had just finished railing into me, telling me I lie and I am going to hell. It wasn't because she used to ever believe that. We've always had a marvelous relationship. It's because she is confused.

A month ago, her doctor, her neurologist, had finally committed to saying that she has "Onset Alzheimer's." But somehow, since then, she has plummeted into the intermediate stages of it. Out of respect for her, I won't even write about most of her struggle these last few weeks.

Today she was adamant that a picture of her, her husband and my husband and brother-in-law as kids, was none of those such people.

I talk with my kids almost every day about their Naana, trying to help them navigate through this rapid change. They can no longer have a conversation with their grandmother because they lack the maturity to redirect, comfort or make some level of sense out of what she is saying. They are losing their grandmother right in front of my eyes. It is breaking my heart.

My mother-in-law speaks of wishing to die every day. She is losing the ability to care for herself in the most basic ways. It is a stomach-turning, stressful reality. Her sons and I are doing all we can, which at this moment is just doing the next thing (because the bigger picture is so overwhelming.) I've realized we were unprepared in almost every way for such a rapid decline.

Sometimes her sons and I feel so overwhelmed we land in our own moments of confusion. But we are pulling together. We are being forced to practice patience beyond what we thought we were capable of. We are leaning on each other. We are communicating continuously. We are sharing encouragement and support. We are being a family, one step at a time.

Eye Cream and Hair Dye

Ah, yes. I am admitting it. I use products to help me maintain my youthful appearance. Well, maybe youthful is a stretch, but I'm told I look younger than I am. Some of this is due to genetics. Both of my parents have always looked younger than they are. But, I give credit to Dove, L'Oreal and Clairol for the rest.

When I was 16, I swore I would never dye my hair. It was easy to proclaim that then. I had long wavy strawberry blond hair that others were envious of. Then, years later, a strange thing happened... a few of those luscious locks turned gray. Once I was thirty, I could no longer say they were a few since there were so many I could no longer count them. By the time I was thirty-five, I was faced with a serious choice. Go gray, or go to the bottle. I chose the latter. I had children in elementary school, I did not see gray hair as an option.

That handles the hair issues, but as I've looked in the mirror, I've been noticing odd creases; like I slept on that part of my chin funny, and woke up with a crease. However, to my horror, that crease doesn't go away as the day progresses!

Last year I had a surprise visit from my high school BFF. As soon as we saw each other, we smiled. I must admit, I immediately noticed that when she smiled, the skin at the corners of her eyes wrinkled. The horror! I knew instantly that this must be the case with my face too. A couple of months later, I invested in L'Oreal Skin Genesis Eye Serum. I was pleased with instant results. I suspect the bottle will have to be pried from my hands once I pass on. That stuff is awesome!

I'll be 38 in less than 2 weeks, but I don't feel it. And thanks to Walgreen's fabulous selection of youth in a bottle, I don't look it either.