Beyond "The Cloud"

Even Windows "The Cloud"  can't help this kid.  Apparently The Cloud allows you to merge pictures of groups of people so you can take the best shot of each person.  Which shot is the best of this silly kid on the left?  Seriously!!!  What a ham!!!  (Love ya kid!!!)

A Mom Story...

My oldest son isn't with me today.  He spent last night at my parents, a delayed birthday tradition. There was a snowstorm during the first attempt.  This date was the make-up date and Eddie was not about to let anything stop him this time; not even a broken arm.  We talked about rescheduling, but he was resolute.

Only 24 hours after breaking his arm, he departed for Grandma and Grandpa's (a.k.a. Baba).  Eddie is a very sensitive kid; as in he is very aware of his needs and emotions.  So, he knew he needed to be cared for and loved right now, while the pain was still at it's worst.  Plus he is grieving the loss of his passion for the next 2 months, Taekwondo. 

I have to say, I am really struggling with the fact that it is not me providing that for him.  I feel bound, I feel restricted.  This is uncomfortable.  I should be caring for my baby.  I know he is in amazing hands.  My parents are truly wonderful.  Still, I have this deep, uncontrollable need to care for my hurting child.

It's strange, the timing.  This isn't the first time he ended up at Grandma and Baba's at a pinnacle point in his life.  Four years ago, he witnessed another Grandfather (his namesake) pass away.  It was the night before Eddie's birthday, the night before he was going to spend the night at Grandma and Baba's.  That time we also discussed cancelling, and it was hard to let him go, but that was where he was meant to be.

There are some very clear moments in my children's lives where I feel God is at work.  It seems obvious that some events were planned and happened just as they should.  For Eddie, these moments when he ends up at Grandma and Baba's seem fall into that category for sure.  I'm sure he will never forget the nights he spent there when he needed love, support and reassurance the most.

I think I'll feel unsettled until he returns to my care, but he is where he is supposed to be and I am thankful.

The Dirty Sock Blog

Let's talk about socks. Dirty Socks.  They are all over my home!
(Disclaimer:  No photos in this blog are staged.  No socks have been tampered with, augmented, situated or otherwise manipulated.  All photos are candid, as is, discoveries.)

When the kids were little, expected things were left around the house, for sure.  Sippy cups, stuffed animals, blankets, toys.  I anticipated that with having little kids.  Now my little kids are bigger kids.  They are developing autonomy and focused thinking.  For example, one will be so focused on relieving his raised body temperature that he doesn't even pay attention to where he is discarding the dirty socks that he is removing!  Seriously.

                          

Exhibit A - The Kitchen Table

        Exhibit B - On Top of the Dresser

Exhibit C - On The Toys

Exhibit D - Next to the Shower

Exhibit E - In the Living Room

Exhibit F - Next to the Wii Fit Board

And last but not least, my all time favorite, an American classic...

Exhibit G - On the Floor.  
Right in Front of the Hamper.

My boys are 12, almost 10 and almost 8. I have a feeling that this will be a part of my life for many years to come...    Lord help me.

I Don't Belong Here

I've been reading the Harry Potter series.  My son started reading it a year ago and I told him I'd follow along and read it after him.  I haven't been doing that great considering I'm still in Year 3 and he is deep into Year 5.

Anyway, the fact that we are both reading it lets up speak in "Harry Potter" language.  We make up our own spell names and recall funny parts of the book.  It's a way I can connect with him in a world in which he feels like he belongs.

Today when I dropped him off at school, I said, "Here we are... Hogwarts."  Then as I looked around, I corrected myself.  "Oh.  This isn't Hogwarts.  These are all muggles.  This is a muggle school.  Oh no.  You don't belong here."  He immediately retorted, "Nope. I don't."  We smiled and off he went.

It struck me. That feeling.  Ah.  School. Not belonging.  I remember that.  I was just another insignificant person floating through the halls full of clicks and people who were all different from me and didn't get me.  And as I remembered that feeling, I realized that is how my son feels now.  School is a foreign land to him that he must partake in, but his real place, the place he belongs is somewhere else.

Do all kids feel like that in the large public schools or was it just me and him?  How about as adults?  I still feel like that a lot of the time.

There is a verse in the Bible that says our citizenship is in heaven (Phil. 3:20-21).  Maybe this is where we will finally feel like we belong. Until then, we are special, not fully realized people in a restrictive muggle world.

C'est la vie.

Snow Day 2010

So, Saturday and Sunday were the days of the big blizzard.  Over a foot of snow followed by ten below wind chills.


Sunday morning started out like this:

Fun!  Church was canceled and the boys played in the snow for hours.  They also did much of the shoveling.  My daughter and I watched through the window, nice and cozy inside.  Could the day get any better?    Sure it could!  We could have hot chocolate and watch the Packers pummel the Detroit Lions.  It's gonna be a great day...


Then... the cable/phone/internet service went out.  Wait!  I haven't set up my fantasy football team yet!  I asked my sister to text me updates of the Packer game until I remembered we could listen on the radio. (Apparently I've forgotten about old-school technology.)  I texted my sister, "At least we have power."  Then, finally, not too long into the game the cable came back.  Yes!  So we settle down to watch the Packers... get pummeled by Detroit.  Hey! Something does not feel right about this day.

I got tired of the Packers horrific showing and went outside to unearth my cars from the mounds of snow that were strangling them.  When I came in for a break to get warm, Dan was putting batteries in our boombox to find out what was happening with the Packers.  The power had gone.  Drat!  I jinxed us. 

After 2 hours of no power, I packed some bags and made possible overnight plans for us, just in case.  It got dark.  We lit candles and the boys ran around with my baby girl and her Hippo flashilight. They were having a blast.

We saw lots of utility company trucks scurrying from transformer to transformer trying to find the problem.  The power came on. Yay!!!!!!   Turned on lights, blew out candles. Then, the power went off.  Drat again!!  We re-lit the candles and made plans to go out to dinner and have a belated celebration for our oldest son getting his black belt in Taekwondo.  (All the while the candles were lit, my little girl kept singing Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you.  That was pretty sweet.) Then, boom! The lights went on.  Yay!  No blowing out the candles just yet.  And, the lights when off.  Triple Drat!!!

Okay, this is getting too long.  We went out to a fun dinner and came home 2 hours later (going on 7 hours of power out.)   We drove into our neighborhood with much anticipation.  Quadruple Drat!!!!  The street lights were still out.    But, the untility trucks were still to be seen, so we had hope.  We decided to stay home and risk it.  I bundled my baby up in 3 layers of jammies and put here to bet with her light-up lullaby dolls.  The boys and I set up our "Sorry" game in the living room with lots of candles.  

We all snuggle under a blanket, read the directions and... Boom!  The power came on.  No!!!!!!  The boys all wanted it to stay off, they were having so much fun.  So, we kept the ights out and the candles on and played our game for 2 hours.  The house gradually warmed up and, as it turns out, we had a very fun and memorable day.  I think we will never forget it.  No more "drats," just fond memories.

Christmas Tree Time

In about a week, my kids and I will venture out to find our 2nd "real" Christmas tree. I can't stop thinking about our experience last year with our first "real" tree.  And so I am inclined to repost last year's musing.  Enjoy!  And... Merry Christmas!

Ornaments of Life - Dody's Daydreams, December 18th, 2009

We've had a fake Christmas tree for 10 years. It was easier when we had three preschoolers. No chasing kids through massive tree lots while my hubby and I bicker over the "right" tree. No falling needles to be eaten and choked on. No forgetting to water the tree because I have laundry and spit-up and diaper rash on the brain.

After the boys got bigger, it was a habit we were in. We have the tree, so why go pay $40 for another one, real or not?

Then came the kittens. The kittens loved to climb and bat at things and play! The Christmas tree became their own private amusement park. We tried to deter them by squirting water at them. That was only a temporary fix. When we slept, they played. Every morning I found misplaced and broken ornaments. Eventually, several branches would accompany the glass shards on the floor. By New Years Day, they had left their permanent mark. The fake tree we had used for 10 years was unrepairable.

This Thanksgiving, my hubby picked up a new fake tree, by my request. However, it just didn't sit right with us. It was time to create a new Christmas tradition. I returned the plastic tree, tightly stuffed into it's box and two weeks later we ventured out into the snowy night to buy a real tree.

The experience was great. No arguing, a warm campfire, a tractor-pulled hayride through the beautiful tree farm. It was perfect.

The next day we erected our gorgeous tree. (I'm certain it was the best one on the lot and only fools came before us, why else was is still there waiting for us?) With three little helpers, it seemed almost magical how quickly the tree transformed. Lights and garland and ornaments were flying onto the tree.

An ornament my son made as a toddler, another that his brother made in pre-school, another that was a gift from my stepmom; "Oh, I love this one." "Grandma bought these for us, one snowman for each of us." "Oh look, a handcrafted angel from Stella!" "Nana helped you make that one." "You made this one with your Aunt Jamie." "Mom, remember these from our old neighbors." "Ahaha... this one is from my sister. I miss her." "Baby's First Christmas, one for each of you."

The memories of our loved ones and past Christmases flooded every open space on the tree. Many of the people from these memories aren't here anymore, but these decorations, these ornaments, these precious trinkets, they represent life. My life, my children's' lives, my relatives lives. This tree may be a living tree, but it wasn't truly brought to life until it was donned with our treasures.

The kids are already planning which ornaments they will take with them when they grow up and move out. The memories will live on with them for years to come.

Maybe I am just more sentimental this year, maybe it's because our tree is living, maybe I am intoxicated by the smell of pine; but I know that I am smitten with this tree that is very much alive.

Dinner or Leaf Pile?

(As previously required for me to express, sorry for major blogging drought. Party Foul!)

So, during the last two days, I was faced with the same decision, twice!  Dinner or leaf pile?  Both times, I chose leaf pile. 

We have a huge maple tree in our backyard that drops leaves a bit late in the season.  The kids wait and wait as they see nearly all the other leaves in our and surrounding counties succumb to the season and drop to the earth.  They wait, and they watch our maple.  In late October, it finally decides to let the leaves lighten to shades of yellow-ish green.  To be honest, our first fall in this house, I felt whamboozled that my glorious maple only kinda-sorta embraces the leaf changing phenomenon by barely, whimpily and subtlely altering leaf pigmentation, then clinging to it's leaves until the freezing weather comes forcing me to clean up it's massive shedding while I get chilled to the bone.  Talk about a party foul!

Anyway, I digress.  The leaves have finally, mostly fallen.  And, I guess I've unnecessarily complained about it being November when the leaves fall because it's actually been very mild here this year.  So, two days in a row I was faced with the choice of making dinner for my family, or playing with them in the massive leaf pile.  Both times I chose the later.  Was there really much of a choice?  I only really cook a dinner two or three a week if the family is lucky, once if they are not.  So frozen pizza and Burger King it was. 

But you see, who cares?  We got to do this...

 

and this... 

 

I think I made the right decision.

I rest my case.

I'd Be Lost

I'd be lost without my handy dandy cell phone.  Truly lost.  

It's smudged and chipped.  It's been through many falls.  It almost landed in the lake three weeks ago.  Oh my gosh! I would have died.

(My wallpaper is Grover in a chrysalis. Not a scarf, a chrysalis, as so beautifully done by my 4-year-old God-daughter who recently had her own caterpillars transform into butterflies.)

It's been said that every time a woman has a baby, she loses a quarter of her brain.  I have four kids. Do the math.

Actually, I must be pretty smart to use my phone to compensate for my brain degeneration, though I would argue my brain is just fine and it is the pure chaos of my life that leaves me mentally challenged.

My phone has a calendar.  Each event on the calendar can have a reminder alarm.  I use this on every event in my life.  (To think my calendar used to serve more as a record of the past since I never forgot my appointments.) As an extreme precaution, I even use it for my set work schedule.  When the alarm sounds, my husband will say, "What's that beeping for?" I usually say, "I don't know. I have to check."  It could be anything from "I have to go to work now" to "remember to wash your children's sports uniforms."  

This phone also wakes me up every morning.  I'm all for consolidating gadgets because we have so many possessions in our house with six people living here.  Alarm clock was acting funny. Tossed it.  Use the phone.

My little sister and I  hate talking on the phone, but love sharing random daily happenings from the benign to the intense to the strange.  We text... a lot.  It's how we stay connected and close.  I love my phone for this!

My phone takes crappy pictures.  But, hey, it takes pictures.  You see, I have four kids.  They are adorable and there are always things to take pictures of.  However, I have yet to set an alarm on my phone to remind me to take my camera with me when we go out, so I don't usually have it.  At least I have my phone.

Did I mention it is also my mp3 player?

I'd be lost without my LG.  I love it!

Coloring: Rated E for Everyone

My baby loves to color.  She likes to see the color appear as she strokes the crayon on the paper. And, she likes to see how many crayons she can hold in her miniature, pudgy hands, then let them drop to the table and roll to the floor.  That's a very fun game.  And sometimes we'll catch her chewing on a non-toxic Crayola. (Bad baby!  Ok, not really.  She's an angel. I could never call her bad.)

And her mommy loves to color too!  (That's me.)  I just can't seem to help myself from coloring on the pages with her.  My favorite art is the mix of toddler scratches and creative coloring/shading on the pages of a coloring book.  Maybe I'll frame some one of these days.  "The Mommy/Baby Art Collaborations," I could call them.  Maybe I could put them on display at some free and innovative art gallery.  I can see it now.... the flash bulbs of reporters, the interviews, the national coverage...   Oh. Ach hem.

Anyway, I'm just saying... I love to color with my baby.

School Supply Stress

School supply organization, recycling (as in using last year's supplies which are still usable) and shopping is getting more and more stressful each year.  I have three boys in school and the oldest is now in middle school.  For him we had 2 full backpacks, a crate and a bag's worth of supplies to cart in on the first day.  Also, everything needed to be labeled.  Insanity!!!

I actually made a spread sheet for shopping and detailed list for each child.  I purchased items at 3 different stores and returned the ones I found to be more expensive to Shopko. (Wal-Mart is the overall cheapest, but the grocery store is where I made out on the loss-leader sales.)

I spent around $80 this year on everything, including a 2GB flash drive and a TI calculator. That is actually pretty good.  I accredit this to my recycling, ad watching and all-around awesomeness.  In moments like that, my kids sometimes ask, "Do you feel like Supermom right now?"  Had they asked me, I would have firmly and resoundingly said, "Yes!"

Despite that feat, all the inventorying, labeling, sharpening, sorting, appropriating, distributing, packing, delivering, re-organizing and discovering what was missing was just a tad anxiety inducing for me.  So glad it's over.  Until next year...

W is for Wii

The Wii has become a staple in our family.

The kids' grandmother stood in line, outside a Best Buy store, in the winter cold, at the break of dawn to acquire it for them one Christmas. (If she only knew how much we'd come to love it and rely on it.) The games started simply with Paper Mario and Wii Sports. The former for the kids, the latter, perfect for the whole family.

My husband and I used to bowl with the kids once in awhile. That was always fun. We later found ourselves sneaking in some rounds of bowling while the kids were at school.

Wii began to acquire many games over time as my husband and I scooped up used copies from Blockbuster for cheap.

When I was pregnant, I admit, I let the Wii system become the boys' babysitter. I had all-day sickness for three months and I was much more concerned about my survival than their eyes, brains, or future.

Once the baby came, I again allowed it to become their babysitter. "Shame on me!" I say with no conviction.

Anyway, the Wii has remained a vital part of our family. It even came on vacation with us to our little cabin, though I am glad to say the kids did not ask us to hook it up until 4 days into the vacation. Way to go boys! Then we all bowled and the kids went on to play the latest Super Mario game, which we hid in our suitcase to surprise them with.

Sometimes we're strict with time limits and days off, especially during school. But, honestly, this summer was kind of a free-for-all.

I have to say my favorite part of the Wii is hearing my 9-yr-old playing Lego Rock Band, belting out the likes of "We Will Rock You" or "Picture to Burn" from the loft upstairs. That is pure joy!

T is for Tea

(That is phonetic fun! Say it out loud: "T is for Tea!" Haha.)

I used to be a tea fanatic. Other than water, tea was my drink of choice. Add a smidgen of honey and I was a happy girl.

Somewhere along the way, sometime after baby number three took over every last minute of my day it was replaced with coffee. Coffee has a way of giving you a swift kick in the rear, while tea calmly boosts or sooths the soul. I didn't have time for tea anymore, I think. (To be honest, I don't even remember the switch, those days are a bit blurry in the recall files.)It's been coffee for many years now, with the occasional tea when I needed a change or a leisurely, cozy drink.

I've been having mild stomach issues lately. Maybe indigestion, nerves or a self-diagnosed stomach ulcer; perhaps h.pylori associated. And, just about everything I read on the ever reliable Internet suggests that caffeine can irritate things. DRAT! Or so I thought.

I was a bit headachey these last two days without my caffeine, but my stomachs been better. And now I find myself longing for my once forgotten cup of tea, with a splash of honey.

Instead of taking coffee to work tomorrow, I will take tea. Green Chai. That's been a favorite for a long time.

Perhaps it is time to introduce my baby girl to tea with Mommy. My boys have all had tea parties and special "tea moments" with me. Sometimes we have all gathered around the table and talked over tea. Other times I've had special one-on-one "tea talks" with my boys.

Tea has been an important part of our family life, which all originated with my Mom sharing her love of tea with me. It's time to regard tea once again.

Q is for Quiver

Happy is the man that has his quiver full of them... Psalm 127:5 AKJV

My quiver is full, I think. We have four children. I really can't imagine my life without them. When I try, I can only see self-indulgence and boredom. What would I do with myself? I've never been good at keeping myself challenged. I like to take the easy route too many times. That's not to say I don't often get inspired to excel, I do; just not enough.

*However, my kids keep me on my toes. My character is challenged. My resilience is tested. My patience is a well exercised muscle.

Soon, I expect to be more and more cognitively challenged as my children progress in school. I already referred to references to "remember" things I once knew to help my 5th grader with homework. Now he will be in middle school. I'm looking forward to remembering algebra and American History, etc.

When I was little, I knew I wanted to grow up and be a mom. I also knew I wanted 3 children, close in age, which happened to be just the type of family I grew up in; until I was a teen, my little sister arrived. Lo and behold, we had 3 boys right in a row, then we added a fourth child after a several year gap.

My quiver is full. My quiver is fun. My children all have goofiness, like me, which I treasure. They are all creative and smart in very different ways. Being a mom is like digging through a never-ending treasure chest. Each day has new, beautiful things to discover. (Lest it all smell like roses, see above. *)

Life is good.

K is for Kangaroo

Kangaroo Lake, that is.

That is the destination for a much needed vacation. It couldn't have come at a better time. My hubby and I have been so busy we hardly see each other and the kids have noticed we're never together too. We will have one whole week of us all being in the same place at the same time. Lately, one hour of that is a treat, now we'll have over 170 hours of our nuclear family in the same place.

It's beginning to seem like the holy grail! I know we'll all get on each others nerves at some point, but this vacation truly seems like it will provide us all with tank refills. Each family member may have varying needs (emptied tanks), but I predict we will be filling them all with joy, laughter, rest, love, snuggles, fun, recognition, affirmation, attention, calmness....

Kangaroo Lake, her we come. You are our Pu'uhonau.

Calgon (or in my case - work), Take Me Away

I've been a mom for over 11 years. It is a 24/7 job. Even when I sleep, I am on call. My cell phone is always with me in case there is an emergency at school. My schedule usually revolves around the kids. Most of the things I do when I am at home have to do with them: cleaning, cooking, laundry, organization, communication. It really never stops and it is always revolving. I am ALWAYS a mom, on duty.

I've worked at our personal business out of the home for the whole duration of my motherhood. I'd like to say that has given me something of my own, but it hasn't. It is my husband's business primarily. Even though it has been our family's sole livelihood for 11 years, it has failed to provide any substantial fulfillment or respite for me. Seriously, I can see and hear everything in our house from our office. That is hardly a break.

And now, for the first time in these 11 years, I have a job out of the home. The job does not relate to my husband and it is not 2 feet away from my mothering duties. It takes me away, almost like a Calgon bath.
I keep myself very busy at my new job. I'd hate to say I am really taking a break, because I work hard and try to make sure I am worthwhile to the non-profit organization that has put its trust in me. Still, it is a world of my own, separate from my children and my family. It really feels like a wonderful break.

It's hard for me to figure out why I was ever hesitant to go back to work. Yes, I miss my baby when I am working during the day, and we've had to reorganize how our family accomplishes chores, but the payoff is worth it. I'm not even referring to the paycheck. I am referring to my new identity and respite from the Mom-job that never sleeps.

While at work, I do keep my cell phone in my pocket, just in case my husband has a question or the children have an issue at school, but it's my turf, and I love it.

Nice Try Mr. Snow Miser

The kids' Easter Break from school commenced with them playing in the yard with shorts and t-shirts for hours on end. They were basking in Spring! In that moment, everything was right in the world.

Then, only a few days later, they were peering out there bedroom windows during a late evening rain and hail storm. The lightning was a bit nerve-wracking for the younger boys. We left the three of them together for a bonding experience when... Stomp, Stomp, Stomp, they ran to the top of the stairs. "Mom! Dad! Frank still has a snowman in his front yard. We see it every day. It's in the street!"

This wouldn't have been a big deal if he lived next door. But, Frank lives two houses down, and around the corner. I ran out in the pelting rain to rescue four-foot-tall, plastic "Frosty" from what clearly a fierce battle between impending Spring and lingering, obstinate Winter.

Then early this morning, it snowed. GASP! It's Easter Break! No snow allowed! I truly expected the snow to stop at day break, but it continued through the morning.

I've been observing the contrast all morning. Daffodils are in full bloom. The grass is green and ready for its inaugural mowing. The falling snow is thick and desperately trying to disguise Spring, if only for a moment, its last hurrah. I'm sorry to say, Mr. Snow Miser, you are failing.

The tree buds and flowers and rejuvenated lush, green grass are full of the heat of the approaching summer. The snow succumbs on contact and melts into the thirsty earth. More nourishment for the burgeoning growth.

The victory of Spring is invigorating. Nice try Mr. Snow Miser..... Fail!

Birthday Bliss

It's my birthday. This is a great birthday, and my husband made all the difference. He supervised the entire day and ensured a love-filled, low-stress day. I am simple, so it doesn't take much to make me happy.

The kids had off of school today which was actually wonderful. They cleaned their rooms, played with their baby sister, joked with me. Most notably, with the help of their dad, they made an awesome brunch. We all sat around the table eating my favorite, pancakes (plus much more), in the middle of the day, chatting and listening to one of our favorite alternative bands, Hawk Nelson.

My hubby got me a beautiful card. The house was cleaned. The kids gave me lots of love. When I needed something, everyone was quick to help.

There have been beautiful, don't-need-to-shovel, snow flurries all day.

My Mom and stepdad called early and sang Happy Birthday and told me how much they loved me. Later, my stepmom called. My Dad called. My sister and her boys called. The last call was quite entertaining for me. It was my sister and her fiance´, the latter of whom I implored to finish his (and her) rendition of Happy Birthday with the cha cha cha-type ending, "and many mooooooore," as he did for my son on his birthday. He indulged. I was filled with giddy satisfaction.

Could this day get any better? Not for me. That was all I needed.Just a day filled with the people I love. No presents, no hoopla, no cake. Oh crap! Cake! The kids will never forgive me if I forget. Our grocery store bakery makes the most delicious buttercream cakes with buttercream frosting. Off I go... Cake time!

Thanks family, immediate and extended, for remembering me today. I love you all!