Saturday, April 2, 2011

Book Review: Codependent No More

On a recommendation from my mom, I read Codependent No More by Melody Beattie.   I read it in hopes of learning how to communicate with some people in my life better, but on the advice of my stepmom, I decided to look at it from the perspective of my own relational flaws as well.  Thanks to my moms, I discovered some key ingredients to being a happier person.

The book was written primarily for people who are regularly involved with alcoholics, drug addicts or people with other severe addictions.  I am not one of those people.  It would seem obvious that I was enlightened about people in my life who have lived through that, and that was defiantly true.  What I did not expect is that I would learn tons about myself.  I would like to submit that this book has something for everyone who has relationships with people.  Unless you are a hermit, deserted on an island or in solitary confinement, this book has something for you.

I learned how to not take things so personally.  Other people do things their way... "let them" (as my beloved sister used to say.)  I don't need to control other people or make everything about me.  I can let go.

I can be free to be me!  Sounds easy, but I still haven't mastered this.  I do now, however, have a new grasp on letting myself fail and being more confident in my own decisions and more comfortable with myself, my strengths and weaknesses.  I am who I am.  I am always going to try to improve my character and live to higher standards than I did previously, but I'm not at the end of my journey yet.  I am still growing and learning.  I am going to cut myself some slack.  I will be okay with where I am at.  I am okay with me.

I can make boundaries and stick to them.  I don't have to be everything to everybody.  It is okay to have boundaries to preserve myself and take care of myself.  I still will care about other people and their needs, but it is okay to take care of myself first so I can be the healthiest person I can be.  That can be a priority, and it should.

I can feel my feelings.  They are my feelings, they are not wrong, they are real.  But I will deal with in an appropriate manner and move on.  I will not let my feelings control my actions.  There is tons more about all of these and other ideas in the book.

All this stuff may sound simple and like no-brainer information, but I think many of us don't execute these things regularly.  Beattie explains things in a way that empowered me to make these things a reality.  I'm happier than I have been in a long time and I plan to stay that way.

If you're looking for a book about having healthy relationships of any kind, read Codependent No More by Melody Beattie.